Sucks...

So for the last few months I've been waxing poetic about the virtues of Israel and how it continues to charm me with each passing day. But in an effort to make it clear that I do not work for the Israeli government or its Ministry of Tourism, I will now go off about a few things that have COMPLETELY pissed me off about this place:

-Red Tape: If the Greeks invented the concept of "beaurocracy," then Israelis have absolutely perfected it. You have no idea how difficult it is to get simple, mundane things done around here. I know, I know. This is not the U.S. and I shouldn't expect Israel to be like America. Fair enough. But it's not just me who's complaining...Israelis can't even stand how backwards some of this stuff can be. Case in point: I need to get a student visa for my extended stay. After asking 25 different people how to start the process, I got 25 different answers. All I know is that I have to call the Ministry of the Interior to set up an appointment for the visa because I'm not allowed to simply walk into the office. Unfortunately, no one picks up the phone at the Ministry of the Interior. Ever. So I can't walk in to their precious office, and they won't answer the phone so how can I make an appointment? Great. Deportation, here I come!

In the States, if you work hard and bust your a$$, you usually can get ahead of the game. Here, you jump through hoops and work hard just to get what's owed to you. Grrr...

My friend Mark made a great point the other day when I was complaining about how administrations here are completely inept: "I really don't understand how these Israelis keep winning wars." Haha, indeed.


Me negotiating the Israeli beaurocracy.
I actually look like this now. The nose
is drawn to scale.


Lack of Politeness: This is kind of a weird one for me because, while a lot of people get offended, I don't really mind it that much. Ok, to be fair, the stereotype of the "rude Israeli" is somewhat born of reality. Israelis yell, scream, complain, and can be very rude. Not all of them. But enough of them act like that to merit the stereotype. Foreigners, particularly people from Western countries, cringe at the gritty nature of Israelis' social behavior. Bus stations provide the quintessential example of Israeli Social Behavior. You don't get in line at the bus station. You push and shove your way to the front and worry later about that toddler you nearly decapitated or the boiling latte you just spilled onto that old man's genitals. A total free-for-all. Get on the bus first, say sorry later.

I can understand where the rudeness comes from. Israelis are highly-stressed, high-anxiety people with a low threshold for BS. Israel has been under attack since it was born in 1948. Imagine having neighbors who want you dead. Would you worry about saying "please" and "thank you" all the time? It's an existential extension of the bus station: survive first, say sorry later.

The truth is, Israelis are apparently getting better at being less harsh. It used to be much worse, but Western influence is starting to infiltrate Israeli society, including social norms. Young Israelis don't want to be seen as "those rude-a$$ Israelis." Whatever, I still kinda like the rudeness, you bastard.


"How ruuude!" Stephanie Tanner
wouldn't last a second in Israel.
I hear she's a meth addict now.
Good for her!


Going-out Dress Code: People here dress like morons. Going out here is like watching a fashion show where the runway models are brain-dead crackheads who wear, and sniff, too much hair gel. The "in" hair style for Israeli guys consists of shaving the sides of the head, spiking the top, wearing jeans that reveal a bit too much twig and berries, and sporting some kind of shirt from Castro. Very Euro-trash. Emphasis on the "trash."

Dunkin' Donuts: Yea, there are none.


Never thought I'd miss fried dough and confectioner's
sugar so much.


Israeli pizza: Don't even get me started.


What I wouldn't do for a red and white checkered tablecloth right now.


Doctor ______: Every other store here is named "Doctor (fill in the blank)." In Jerusalem, there's Doctor Pizza, Doctor Sandwich, Doctor Pita. In Tel Aviv, there's Doctor Shakshuka. As if I'm being cured of my hunger pains by these lunatics. Hello!? Your food ain't that good! I'm not sure where these doctors went to medical school, but I think the government should look into the kinds of PhDs they're handing out. 'Cause I get more sick walking out of those places than walking in.


That says Dr. Shakshuka in Hebrew.
Does that dude look a medical practitioner to you?

Anywas, I know I'm forgetting a bunch of other minor things that have given me aneurisms so far. But those are the highlights. Look, life in Israel is not a sugar-coated existence. It's a country that is still growing up (think of how far along America was after 65 years...slavery ring any bells?) and finding its footing in a part of the world where nobody wants it to live a normal life, if any life at all. I've been taking all these "negatives" in stride and putting them in context. In the grand scheme of things...they're not so bad. After all, I'm still here aren't I?

-E