You know, I don't get it. Since when are you not allowed to ask a Chinese man where a Chinese restaurant is? I mean, aren't we getting a little too sensitive here? If someone asks me, "which direction is Israel," I don't go flying off the handle.

-Jerry Seinfeld


Sunday, December 16, 2007

Tiool l'tsafon - Trip to the North

Israel is much more than just a giant Jewish sandbox. Just ask the North.

A few weeks ago, some friends (Vanessa, Hilla, and Jason) and I took a road trip to northern Israel, which if you've never seen, is simply stunning. And in complete contrast to The South (basically just a few hours down the street), most of what you see in the northern part of the country is green, lush, wet, and cold. It's actually mind-boggling when you come to grips with how incredibly varied the Israeli landscape can be in a matter of a few driving hours. One minute it's sand in the Negev, the next it's a ski resort on Mt. Hermon.

Our little roadtrip started from Jerusalem, where we rented a car, broke its CD player, fixed its CD player, then mozied on northward.



Jason driving, me navigating, windshield wipers working.



Vanessa and Hilla all smiles...and looking strangely
angelic with that weird white light in the background.
Trust me, they're no angels.


Our first stop was the ancient town of Akko. Before modern-day Haifa became the most important port city in Israel (and the pre-Israel period), Akko was the region's port destination of choice. (By the way, here's an absolutely useless fact: Akko's sister city in the States is Canton, Ohio. Fortunately, Akko does not smell like Canton. Or any other part of Ohio for that matter).



Akko. I did not take this picture.



Akko. I had to jump really high to take this picture.




Hole in the sky in Akko.







Anyone wanna guess what these are?
Akko port churches.





Lighthouse at the edge of Akko.




I can't read what this says, but I'm
gonna go out on a limb and say it's about Akko.





These are boats. They float.


First stop in Akko: the famous seaside seafood restaurant Uri-Buri. I must warn you all in advance, there's a slight chance I will pass out in mid sentence from the memories of the meal we had there. Shrimp in gorgonzola sauce, salmon sashimi with wasabi sorbet, mixed seafood salad, yellowtail ceviche, mussels, seared tuna, grilled grouper, and.......

Sorry passed out there for a second.





Welcome to heaven...





That wine didn't last very long with this crew...









The yellowtail ceviche in the foreground...sigh.
The salmon sashimi with wasabi sorbet
in the background...sigh...









...seafood salad, mussels, shrimp, scallops...SIGH.




So to make a long story short, go to Uri Buri. Trust me, it's worth it. And if you don't like it...pack whatever's left in tin foil, and give it to me. I'll know what to do with it.



After lunch we toured the old city of Akko, and met up with some friends of Vanessa's, including an Israeli named "B" (I'm protecting his identity even though he probably doesn't need it). B is a full time, professional soldier in the IDF. He basically hunts bad guys for a living. For example, over tea and hookah, B told us the story of how he recently "took out" the terrorist mastermind who was responsible for the 2005 Islamic Jihad suicide attack at the Stage Club in Tel Aviv. He couldn't tell us all the details of the mission, but the truth is he didn't need to. We could fill in the blanks based on the expressions on his face and the gleam in his eyes.





It's one thing to hear about guys like B, it's quite another to listen to him tell you the story of how he and his unit hunted down and took out a terrorist whose life's ambition was to kill completely innocent people. It gets you thinking...B puts himself in danger every day for a living. I write blog entries and go to school. It was a chilling and humbling experience...



On the flip side of that emotional spectrum: we got McDonalds for dinner. It was delicious!




I'm Lovin' It.



After staying in a log cabin overnight, we continued our trek northward. Next destination: the town of Metula which sits right on the Israeli-Lebanon border. Once in Metula, we set our sights on a sports complex called the Canada Center. The Canada Center houses one of only two ice skating rinks in the entire Middle East. That's right, ice skating. We went ice skating in the Land of Hummus and Pita. Minutes from Lebanon. Ahh...only in Israel. Anyways, this is where the real fun started.

All smiles. Before it turned into all falls.



Me skating backwards. Vanessa skating
forwards. Or maybe it's the other way around.



Captain Cool Guy.



Greatest picture of the trip: Me and Jason
practicing for the (Special) Olympics.


Short track speed skating time trials.
Shortly thereafter Jason and I crashed into
the boards trying to beat an Olympic time record.
Cultural Obvservation #460 of Israeli Society: Mizrahim on Ice.
It should be noted that everyone looks silly ice skating, your's truly included. That's just a natural inevitability. But Israelis, particularly Mizrahi Israelis (of Middle Eastern/North African descent) bring this phenomenon to a whole new level of comedy. Here's a helpful guide I'm sure many of them follow, if you're having a hard time visualizing the concept:
Step 1: Wear unnecessary amounts of shiny, dangling jewelry. Ladies, that goes for you as well.
Step 2: If you're a guy, enter ice rink with spiked hair. It'll help break your falls.
Step 3: Once on the ice, clutch onto the boards as if your life, as well as that of the entire Jewish People, depended on it. Remember to look as scared sh*tless as humanly possible!
Step 4: If you choose to leave the safety of the boards, skate as fast as your legs will allow and disregard all rules by which normal society abides by. In other words, skate into people, cut them off, curse in front of children, grab onto the person next to you (bonus points if you drag them down with you when slip and fall). Basically, act as if you were driving a car on any Israeli highway!

In all seriousness, seeing Mizrahim ice skate is a memory I'll never forget. They look so out of place. If it were an Icescapades show, it would be called Mizrahi Seizures on Ice. But it was so typical Israeli and very reminiscent of the way they drive: "First, worry about getting to your destination. Second, worry about getting there alive."

-----
After the Canada Center, we took a short drive as far north as we could go, to the Israel-Lebanon border. There, we met some soldiers who were manning the Israeli side of the "no-man's land" area in between Israel and Lebanon. We sat and talked to them for a while, swapped stories, shared a bag of sunflower seeds. All of them had served in combat units during the Second Lebanon War two summers ago and told us stories about their time in the IDF.
The most interesting of them all was a black guy who was born in the States, but raised in Israel when his family made aliyah. The peculiarity of seeing a non-Ethiopian black Israeli soldier, was quickly overshadowed by the sad story he told us about how his girlfriend broke up with him because she couldn't handle the fact that he was a combat soldier who couldn 't come home every weekend and see her. "Funny," he said. "It wasn't too long ago that being a tough combat soldier in the IDF made you more attractive to girls. N0w it makes them run from you."

The Sunflower Seeds Crew. Lebanon is in the background.

We left our new friends at the border and decided it was time to eat. Apparently ice skating works up quite an appetite. So we made our way to a restaurant that came highly recommended by Jason: Dag al HaDan, or "Fish on the Dan." When we got there, the scene was spectacular.
The Dan River (a tributary of the Jordan River, and more of a stream than an actual river) literally snakes around the restaurant at various points and the gardens outside the restaurant are peppered with cute little bridges that are sometimes so small, they seem almost unnecessary. As we walked in, the entire restaurant was standing and watching something, and as we got closer we figured out what was happening: the Hannukah menorah was being lit and everyone in the restaurant stopped eating to huddle around it to say the two quick prayers and to sing a few quick traditional holiday songs. It was a breathtaking scene and one that reminds me why I can see myself living in this country. Vanessa, Hilla, and Jason, and I all looked at each other, smiled, and felt a warmth and comfort that only comes from a situation like that. You just don't see that anywhere but in Israel...


Lighting the menorah at Dag al HaDan.

And the food? Goooooood....
Jason scored the big catch: two freshly grilled trout.

Pescatore Paradise.
Our final stop on our way south back to Jerusalem was Haifa. We sat down at a bar at the foot of the main avenue, with the majestic Bahai Gardens serving as a backdrop. Exhausted, yet content, we sipped drinks in the cool Haifa night air and smoked a little nargilla. Traveling and having fun is hard damn work...we deserved this little break!

Me and Vanessa tangled up in blue...


Jason "Mainstream" Edelstein, ladies and gentlemen.


Haifa: the Bahai Gardens lit up at night.


Artsy out-of-focus shot of the Bahai Gardens.
Anyways, that's a brief tour of our tour of the North. It's pretty fair to say that weekend was probably the best I've had in my year and a half here in Israel. Glad I could share with everyone.

Now go to Uri Buri!

Lyla tov l'coolam,
Erik

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Video of the Day

In case you need a chuckle break...